I'm stugglin...

My daughter has graduated high school...
...given birth to my first grandchild
...married a guy she's been dating for 2 years and known since 7th grade...
but, I'm STILL struggling.

Since she started dating him I've struggled with her choosing him over time with me. And it's stupid because it wasn't like our household was full of activity - friends visiting/calling, fun things going on every weekend, etc., so I understood a teens want to hang with other people. I mean, I WAS a teenager at one time. And I know, I her Mom but as a female who had been hurt by teenage boys, who had been hurt by grown men, who felt - for a very long time - God was punishing with loneliness and illness...I was struggling. My struggle is so selfish and I know it. I am a single mother with only 2 kids and my youngest...my ONLY daughter WANTS to leave me!

Whew, I said it!!!

I finally have been able to put my true feelings out there - sorta.

As a mom you want your kids to find a good someone. Now, realistically, how do WE know who is really good for our children? We don't. Really control-freakish type parents try to choose a good someone for their children but, they end up upsetting their children and their relationship. Even some Faith-filled parents believe their Higher Power will do as THEY want and choose "a good someone" for their children, so what I do TRUST is that my Faith has found "a good someone" for my daughter.
Sure things can happen - he has a temper and I don't know if he's ever hit her - but, I pray that my daughter will hold on to who she is and have a "line" of how much she'll tolerate.

I struggled to hold my tongue about the negative things I went through with men so that I wouldn't scar her with my poor, spineless actions of youth and at the same time making sure she falls in love with her eyes wide open, willing to admit  - if only to herself - when she's made a poor decision and never forget to stay prayerful and willin' to pull up her 'big girl panties' and say "I was wrong" or "I'm sorry".

I know this blog is all over the place but, I have so many thoughts going through my mind...

...anyway, my biggest struggling is holding my tongue. I've watched all the silly talk shows with the big mouth mothers yelling at their kids and their potential spouses I didn't want to be like that. My own Mother, has made a point to ALWAYS voice her opinion about our choices. Pointing out things we knew but didn't want to face. So I would "point out" things to my daughter but, she enlightened me to the fact that I seemed to always have something negative to say about him. That wasn't what I was TRYING to do. So, I tried harder to keep my opinions to myself and wait for her to talk to me. She did at times, those times were few, and I slowly began to lose my daughter to this teenage boy who thought he was already a man (subject for another post).

She told me today that she and the baby are going to visit him - in California - next month...even though he'll be home in May to pick them up and take them away for good...I am seriously strugglin'...